Saturday, December 08, 2012

No Hockey No Holidays?

Canadian families will not make it through the Holidays without NHL Hockey!

Mitch Drew

CANADA - I'd like to bring attention to the fact that many Canadian families will not likely make it intact through the Holidays without the NHL and here are the reasons why.

Canadians like their beer so much that they named it after Canada and gave it citizenship :Molson Canadian.   
Beer + Hockey on TV = Holidays and having the entire extended family over to the house is much more tolerable with hockey on TV.  Sitting back on a Saturday Night with a 'cold one' watching reruns of the MASH with Uncle Frank is just not what we in the Great White North like to call a 'Sudbury Saturday Night". 

In Canada, every Saturday Night is the equivilant of SuperBowl Sunday and it's not going work if all we can watch on CBC is "Little House on the Prairie".

You will need to talk about something other than Hockey. 
This is going to be the deal breaker that sends a high percentage of Canadian families over the brink.  Without Hockey, we will be required to dig deeper and start interacting on a more emotional level. This is NOT a place that Canadians want to go and believe me, it's a lot better to have the primary topic of conversation centred around how much 'Luongo sucks in goal'.  It gives the entire room focus and the conversation structure.  We like that in Canada.

Men will be required to help out in the kitchen. 
There is a rule in Canada that when the game is on and your team is playing, you are allowed to be watching the game, full stop.  The house could be burning down and the kids can be screaming but if your team has 'pulled the goalie with .42 sec left in a 3-4 game' all bets are off.  This rule doesn't make the cut when you are watching a PVR version of 'The Bourne Legacy' or a 'Storage Wars Marathon'. 

I know in my home, the less people involved in cooking the better and more fights have broken out over how long the Turkey should cook or if we should use gravy mix or make it from scratch.

No Hockey fights will lead to more family fights.
Let's look at the average North American family and ask the question, should an entire family be locked up in the same home for a few days over the Holidays without any entertainment, topics of discussion or focus of attention? 

The results of having no National sport to watch on TV and no outlet for our 'Northern' aggression will mean Cousin Bob and Auntie Sue are going to be getting into it again about that 'thing' that happened 10 years ago and believe me, there is nothing like an all out Canadian hockey fight in your own living room.

In closing.
I would like to ask the NHL and NHLPA to add the clause 'family holiday dysfunction factor' to the CBA and find a way to get the teams back on the ice so my home and the thousands of homes across Canada can have a Happy Holiday season. 

A family that watches Hockey together, stays together.

Game On!

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous7:01 AM

    Mitch, this hockey thing is giving you way too much time. Hope you can get through the season, because unfortunatley, that's where it's headed.